14 years old. Pregnant.
26 weeks to be exact.
I was 14 years old. Stupidity and the abandoment I felt from my dad leaving three years previous casued me to rebel. I followed peers, causing mayhem and havoc along the way as a daily routine. I stayed away from home, my mum worried sick day to day, in fear of what I was doing, or what I would do next.
My mum struggled, to keep our family together, to keep her job, to keep her bank balance in the black. To keep the bailiffs away, to keep food on the table. And I, being blind to anything other than my own, made a mistake. The biggest mistake I had made to date. I spent three months in denial, my period didn't come depsite pleading with an unknown entity for it to appear. I then told a friend that I 'thought' I might be pregnant....
So it was off to discover the truth; in a cold, damp corner of a primary school in Denton, there was a Pregnancy Advisory Clinic. My friend and I went along on a cold, wet day after school. The woman I saw was lovely, said I wasn't the first and certaainly would not be the last. I was confused, no pregnancy test? That's what I was there for, right?
I shuffled my lanky 6ft body up the bed. The woman then started to feel my tummy. Someone else came in, a few words behind the curtain. ''Yes'', she said. I was confused, had I got a tummy bug? Is that why I was being sick? We do not need to confirm your pregnancy by a test, we can feel your tummy and tell you that you are around 6 months.'' SIX MONTHS!!!!!!!! Ok, I knew I had been in denial, and not said anything, but was it so obvious to the outside world that my big, baggy school jumper was covering up a baby bump? I did the Maths....she was right.
Me and my friend left in silence. We seperated, and went our own way home.
My best friend at the time knocked on my door that evening. I was telling her the outcome of my visit to the centre. Just so happened, that my nosey little brother, two years my junior, was hiding behind the door!!!! The next thing I knew, my mum flung the door open and started screaming, ''is he right, what's going on? Where have you been, is this why you have been like you have?'' I called another friend, who promptly collected me in her boyfriends car. I got out of there so quickly I only had one shoe.
It is still all a blur. Not unlike much of my teenage years. In my opinion, when things happen in your life that you don't deal with very well, or your body cannot cope psycholgically, I think there is some switch or button that turns off all those emotions, thoughts, feelings....the seconds, minutes hours blur to a big hazy blob. I was 'missing' for a day or two, maybe three.
When I eventually arrived home, the Police were there. Social Services. Great. My life is over........
After 16 years, Hannah has grown into a confident, independent young person. Despite the years of battling,with myself, with money, with health, with people who like to interfere, and people who like to help, with good and bad friends and the small portion of my family that actually gave a shit, I did it. The baby I brought into this world at 15 years and 2 months, has not turned out so bad after all.
Labour was quick. I refused to be induced as Iknew my dates were right. My contractions started early hours of the morning on 29th May 1995. They wrer niggly and stopped me sleeping, and until that point I think I was still in denial.
I arrived at my Foster Parent's house, Valerie, at 6am. Ambulance arrived at 7am. When I got to the hospital I was 7cm dilated. Wow. Had my body done that? I relayed the horror stories of 36 hour labours through my mind. Gas and Air....no thanks....8.30am came and I requested the gas, the pains were becoming stronger and closer together now. I was escorted down to labour room after my back waters were broken. Then a needle...OUCH!!!!!! I had not asked for any other pain relief except the gas, yet was given pethidine....the rest of my time in labour is a blur. I gave birth at 9.45am. Hannah Catherine.....
Now, 16 years later, Hannah has her moments, reminds me a lot of me when I was a teenager...although not as bad as me, as my mum reminds me often! She is fiesty, independent, loving, caring and a pleasure to call my child, my baby she will always be despite her now becoming a young woman in her own right.
